This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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