Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
