i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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