I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
