I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
