you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
