no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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