I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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