I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
