just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
