She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
