so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
