Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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