I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
