My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
