seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
