Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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