we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
