so that wasnt chicken after all
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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