his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
