Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
