it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
