you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
