after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
