Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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