I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
