You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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