I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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