he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
