I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
