Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
