so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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