K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
