Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
