Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need help removing her.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
