dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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