I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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