this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
