Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
