If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
