I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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