Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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