I like to think it a success when the cops are called
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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