my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
