last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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