You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
