I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
