My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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