pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
