Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
