I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
