So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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