What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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