we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
