Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
