you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
