My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I supernannyed him into submission
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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